Tuesday, September 30, 2008


things have been sorta.

I've been terribly under the weather, barely moving off the couch for 4 days only to discover this morning at the doctor's, I have the flu. so one steriod shot later & some tamiflu, I'm back on the couch, with my blanket & box of tissues.

I just pray the medicine kicks in soon. God knows when mom's sick, not much gets done around here.
Here's the thought for the day along with a story. Thank goodness for the box of tissues near by. Please check out The Cab Ride I'll Never Forget

Friday, September 26, 2008

Ripples in a pond.

Thought for the day:

What you may not realize is when you extend human kindness to one person it will flow onto another then another like the ripples in a pond. Gathering energy as it goes.

The truth is you may never know how many people’s lives were changed by an encouraging word you may have spoken or a generous act you may have performed or the silent prayer for healing you may have uttered.

What you have to hold onto is these things do change lives in small ways that lead to great things. Are you going to get a big pat on the back probably not, are you going to be front page news unlikely, will your ego get stroked by your peers doubtful.

So why do it? Firstly because the ripple of kindness will eventually find it’s way back to you in some form. Secondly the act of giving is a gift to the giver. When you give of yourself you are wrapped in a divine joy so great it can hardly be contained.

The greatest moments of my life have been when someone has said to me “you have touched my life thank you” or “you have given me the strength to keep going” sometimes these things are spoken verbally sometimes they are just a look. But always they are a gift back to me.

Here recently, I cannot begin to tell you how important my friends encouraging words, support and love have meant to me and the way my life has developed. Simple things like a hand on my arm and a look in the eyes which says “it’s going to be okay” or a hug that says we are here for you or when people take the time out to listen to me unconditionally or the warmth of a smile
my direction. Small things done with great love which have lifted me on more than one occasion from the darkest hour.

Every word, thought and deed makes a difference. Every pebble of loving intent dropped into the universe creates a ripple of kindness that gets bigger and bigger with every person who is touched by it.

Every word, thought and deed I place into the universe comes the knowing a little ripple has begun. Where it ends or what path it will take is irrelevant because I know it will eventually find it’s way back to me. Whether you think of it this way or look at it as planted seeds of growth and understanding doesn’t matter. The thing is to remember the intent of the giver is more important than the size of the gift.

And to my friends......thank you for your ripples......

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Awakening

I received this from a wonderful friend in an email & wanted to share:

The Awakening
Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ...

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on."

And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective...........This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you.

Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime.
And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about :
- how you should look and how much you should weigh,

- what you should wear and where you should shop,
- where you should live or what type of car you should drive,
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave,
- who you should marry and why you should stay,
- the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family,

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view.

And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in.

And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions.

And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10".... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare.

And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in "giving" that we receive, and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving.

And you recognize the importance of "creating" and "contributing" rather than "obtaining" and "accumulating."

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself.

You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through... and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you.

And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns - anger, jealousy and resentment.

And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things.

And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO.

You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to.

So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love.

So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know - Self Love.

And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve, and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees, because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And a sense of power is born of self-reliance.

And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life.

And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed, not for the answers to my prayers or for material things, but for my "God" to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this:- You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.

Friday, September 19, 2008

It's Official.

"Life isn't measured in the breaths you take, but in the moments that take your breath away."

  1. I am a soccer mom. And I officially take back ever saying I was ready for both of my kids to be involved in sports! You see, we started soccer this month. At first it wasn't too bad. Tuesday and Thursday practice at 6:30 for BOTH boys. Alright. Not too bad. But then we got the soccer schedules. And they play just about every game at the same time. I guess it's good. It's just splitting up my time when at times I would much rather spend time with both! But hey - - soccer is going great and they both love it. We are keeping up with practice twice a week, so things, like usual are busy around here.

  2. Whatever is in the air is KILLING me and slowly at that. I've become best friends with several boxes of tissues and they don't leave my sight.

  3. In light of everything that happens, I've received several "words of wisdom" as you can see at the top of this post. And it's why we always try to make things count for the boys. So sure, 2 weekends ago was our first soccer game but the weather was beautiful! We jumped at the opportunity to take the boys camping on Saturday night. Sure it was a lot of work for just one night but hearing the boys teachers tell me how much they talked about that trip was worth it. Too bad I'm so under the weather or we'd go again this weekend.

  4. We have our Halloween costumes. Yes.......I am on top of things. You just have to LOVE the "Second Chance" store where you can score Darth Vader for $1.50. Care to take a gamble at who's Darth Vader & who's a clone trooper?

and I'll close with a few pictures from soccer and our camping trip:

Jayden is loving his 1st year of soccer:

The lake was beautiful:The sunset was GORGEOUS with a nice cool breeze:

The boys favorite part of camping - - the fire! And this time they made it!

and my own mastercard commerical! Thanks Amy for the inspiration!

Box of corn free Granola, $3.49

The deer surrounding our campsite, FREE

Watching my 4 year-old trying to crouch down and hand feed the deer: PRICELESS

Monday, September 15, 2008

decorating for fall.

I know, it's the 2nd time we have a nice little north breeze and a little cooler tempatures but I've already been bitten by the fall bug.

last week I broke down twice making Caramel Apple Pies and last night I made Crumble Top Pumpkin muffins.

The halloween/fall decorations were just calling my name.

so I put up a few things while the boys were at school.

Jayden just came up to me and asked me if lots of crows were coming.

I scratched my head and said no, but asked "why?"

to which he replies "well, we have lots of scarecrows around. the crows eat the corn so we have to put up scarecrows because they scare the crows. so do we have lots of crows coming?"

......guess I need to rethink what I decorate with.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Aftermath.

It’s been an exhausting week. Dealing with what could or would have been with Ike and the storm within my family has really worn me down.

It all started with an email from my sister, in which I’ll hit the high points for you:

“I am not wanting my own sister and her family to be at my wedding.”

“All I have to say that if there is any drama, no matter if it is family not, we DO NOT want you there and WE WILL have you escorted out.”

“You know what though I am done!”

at this point, I tried to be a bigger person. I stepped up and asked my sister:

“Just maybe one day we will be able to sit and talk like adults about all of this. There seems to be so much miss-communication and the air needs to be cleared.

Us not being at your wedding is what you really want?”

In which she replied:

“what part of i'm done with you, do you not understand? And what part of we DO NOT want you at our wedding do you not understand? You've done this to yourself. Deal with it and live with it. I don't want to see you. I don't want to even speak with you. I don't ever want to have contact with you again.

your right, I never wanted you to be part of my wedding. I don't even want you in my life anymore. Get it, I'm done.”

Now..............trying to describe how I felt at that moment is so hard to do......

Once a word is spoken it cannot be taken back. And that is why it is so very important to make sure what comes out of the mouth truly reflects what is in the heart. Unfortunately . . . those words can never be taken back. They did sink deep inside of me and leave scars that will not be quick to heal.

So much as been said to me that I just can't sit here and allow my family to fall apart. I have to make an effort. I have to do the right thing. Now isn't the time to make a point. I was being stupid. I had to be the bigger person. I wasn't trying hard enough. Did I realize how much I was hurting people? I was making a mistake by not attending and I wasn't going to make anything better.

Well, I really didn't have a decision since I was told, by her, not to attend. And therefore, there really wasn't a point to make. Not once this whole week did she make it a point to tell me I was welcome and that she did want us there. Yes, I may not have tried as hard as I would have liked to or should have, but this was my sister's decision and I can't and should not take responsibility for that. Did anyone realize how hurt I was? And who was the situation going to get worst for?
Is that letting my family down? But what does everyone define as "my family"?

You see, after getting an email like that, I was down. I would care to say, yes, I was depressed. Yes, I had anxiety as to what was happening to my sister and I. But what it was doing to me and therefore what I was passing on to MY children and MY family, wasn't fair.

It all hit me like a brick wall on Thursday night. Things were stressful enough with Ike and what it was or wasn't going to do to La Grange. I had to take Hunter to the doctor since he wasn't feeling well. I was down. I was having a hard time. And that got brought upon my kids. My anxiety was at a high. I was snappy, on edge, and upset. As I put Hunter into bed, he just lost it. He cried and cried and cried. He didn't understand why mommy was so upset. He didn't want me to be upset. I spent a good 30 minutes holding him and telling him how much I loved him and how sorry I was. To see how much my 6 year old was hurting, hit me hard. This only was not effecting me, but it was hurting my kids. And that hurt me more than anything.

I literally felt beaten down. And throughout my life this has happened. And I have to think to myself, how much more can I be beaten down?

How many more times can I allow this to happen? Right now my first priority in life is my children. They can't keep having a mother who can't keep together. They can't have a mother who's constantly sad and down.

Will I one day regret this decision? Right now, I have to do what's best for me & my family. I do not and will not regret that. Going into that situation, how was I going to be treated? Was I going to be beaten down even more? Again? I don't know. And that was a chance I wasn't willing to take for everyone's sanity. I would regret if that happened.

I know in my heart right now, I can't be constantly upset & unavailable for my kids and I can't put them in that situation. Their lives can't be shattered by a mom that's constantly depressed and full of anxiety. No one should want that.

I can sleep at night knowing I did ask my sister if she wanted us there. It was her decision for us not to be there. Her words will forever echo no matter even if are ever taken back. A broken heart caused by hurtful words, may never be right. Time may heal the physical pain but the memory of words can last forever. The emotional scars caused by the words will take time to heal, if ever.

Everyone else can show concern we are not there, but they can't tell me it's wrong not to show up. They can wish the situation was different, but they can't change it. They can put blame on me, but I can't understand why? Why is all the anger & frustration pointed at me?

For me, this wasn't a mistake. For me, I wasn't making anything worse. Because for me, I finally felt better.

I have finally found the courage to rise above the anger. The frustration. The blame. The would have. The could have. I've risen to say I'm not going to be beaten down anymore. I shouldn't have to ask anyone to respect that. But things should have never gotten this bad...........

I wish I knew what was going to change everything, but I don't. And I pray it will change.

someone once said.....you can forget what someone has said, you can forget what they did, but you never forget how they made you feel.

as the old prayer goes:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

oh...............and as for Ike, he didn't even come near us! Not a drop of rain. But I do ask that you keep in your thoughts and prayers all the family & friends we do have in Houston and the surrounding areas.

and thanks for these words of wisdom.
Acceptance is a state of non-reactivity and understanding. Acceptance does not mean 'approval' or that you condone what you are accepting. It means that you see something and know it for what it is, without having to need to change it.

The Quality of Acceptance

Acceptance is the widening of our vision so we have the ability to see more of the world without distortion or misinterpretation. Acceptance means that you see something and know it for what it is, without having the need to change it. Acceptance does not mean 'approval', or that you condone what you see, only that you see the whole picture. With Acceptance, we can more easily experience balance, forgiveness, and harmony.

These are the core aspects of Acceptance:
Seeing the world more clearly
Being more forgiving
Being merciful
Radiating Love in harmony with others and the forces of Life
Being responsible for my own life and not being a victim

And a Prayer ..........

God of My Heart, help me to see and to know things for what they are, both inside me and outside of me. Help me to allow things to be as they are, even when I wish them to be different. Help me to experience the importance of Acceptance: that things as they are hold many gifts, and that if my eyes and heart are open I can learn from what things and people teach me. Help me to remember that to be in the state of Acceptance means that I can truly move through the world knowing what I can and cannot change.

God of My Heart, help me to see with Acceptance today. Help me to see people for who they are, to see and accept the lightness and darkness of their souls. Help me not to judge others, and to understand in my acceptance what I must do to support what is healthy and to avoid what is not. Help me to use the same gift for myself, and to see myself without judgment but with complete Acceptance.

God of My Heart, help me to listen with Acceptance today. Help me to hear what people are saying, and what the true meanings behind their words are, without judgment or fear. Help me to know what I must do when I accept others’ words in consciousness and awareness.

God of My Heart, help me to experience Acceptance for one person today. Help me to see and to know one person I come across whom I may have judged, or sought to avoid, or sought to limit in my own fears, worries, and concerns. Help me to see this one person with fresh eyes, fresh ears, and an open heart. Where there is light in that person, help me to see and to know it. Where this darkness, help me to see and to avoid supporting it. And where there is a path they are trying to travel, help me to accept any role I can play to help them on their way. Amen

Thursday, September 04, 2008

that cool breeze in the air.

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

it couldn't have happened on a more perfect day.

with the cool breeze blowing & a feeling of solitude to enjoy.......embrace.

the words spoke to me.......

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The County Fair Part 2.

so these got a little jumbled.

digging for treasures in the sand! what a mess!

the balloon guy that took 30 minutes per child to make a balloon hat.
and the Scorpion. Hunter's NEW favorite ride! Thanks Aunt Marsais for braving it with him!!!

Wild West Show - Hunter was so excited to participate in! look at those rope tricks.
still trying......
notice the excitement since we are NOW an Indian.
they went over the river, through the woods and crossed the finish line.
some fishing took place:

the football toss in which Jayden won 1st place:

Thanks goodness it's all OVER!